My Fight With Uncertainty Continues

I don't remember that anyone ever told me to fight for what I wanted. Because, I don't think I ever knew or made it clear to anyone around me. For me it was enough to just live, be or whatever.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that other than that it's left me unprepared and constantly frustrated from day-to-day. But let me put this together for you.

I don't have time to put together a plan. My daily writing habits usually put me in two modes, 1. at a high cerebral level, trying to come up with something to write about or 2. burnout, where I can't even string two words together to save my life.

This doesn't leave me very much opportunity to write anywhere else. So for the meantime, I'm only writing for one revenue-sharing service where I earn the majority of my income.

This also leaves me with very little choice but to plan out other things that that income can support, assuming there aren't drastic changes. These drastic changes I've written about through the same service, since it seems to immediately benefit those within that specific community.

But it looks like I might have expressed my enjoyment a bit too soon because in another post, I found that my saint-like patience would be tested.

Right now, I'm waiting for some of these redemption payments which are already behind by several days. That's generally not a big deal for me. What is a big deal is not knowing if I'm still going to get the other pending payments before the rules changed when I need them?

I think I might need to explain this a bit more.

These are the dates I redeemed:

[09.21.2014],
[09.25.2014],
[10.03.2014],
[10.09.2014]

The rules are that one month after the redemption date, these payments are processed. So, regarding the first date, I expected to get a deposit notice via email on 10.21.2014.

I understand how things work! If not on that date than maybe two to three days after that. No big deal.

Maybe you're expecting that I'm financially well enough to be so said laid-back, but that's not true at all. I just understand how these things work. I made a commitment to deal with it when I first started; to just be patient.

But here's another very important detail about these redemption payments. The last three dates are at double the payments before them. So, the sums are larger which concerns me a bit more as they're in that pending limbo I mentioned, all during the time that the policy to redeem once a month kicked in with the additional 60 days redemption to deposit date.

All of this is uncertain and even more so if I only rely on this site for income. Besides this very tedious and stressful issue, I don't know that I would be doing myself a service by complaining. Most people get frustrated with even less, and I don't want to be that guy. I am going to stick with it but, I'm also seeing the reality of me returning to those online freelance slave-markets I hate.  

That just makes the fact that money is money more obscene. 

My Writing Warm Up Is Uninspired

I just woke up within the last hour. Not much going on. Trying to get prepared for this coming weekend, specifically Friday for a interview with a musician who's coming into town. The only thing I can think of is prepping up the show I'm going to put him on for my podcast. That might be ready to post on the same day or I'll hold onto it for some other time. Which of the two will be smarter is a hard guess. I want to give an update on some of the things that happened yesterday that gave me a better look at what I have to look forward to. Wow. When you keep your head down and stay focused, so many things can happen to you that you don't realize are until you lookup and see them from a distance.

Dream Tracking And Daily Writing

First thing that happened was having this wild dream, where telling it might get the authorities called on me but it was just a dream, nothing real. I mean if anything, blame the media. But I remembered as much of it as I could and made a mental note after waking up to write it down.

It's been a while since I've written down any of my dreams. I'd already made another mental note to write them down by the bulk as soon as I could. It's one of those things that frustrate me when I don't keep up with them. Especially now that I'm thinking about it, I can't push myself to write them because I have to write other things first like, this post. It's petty but it makes sense to me.

But yesterday morning, or really more like afternoon since I woke up closer to one, I stayed in the living room watching some television until I could move into the room to start writing. My mom was in the room at my desk making phone calls so, I just waited until she was done for me to move right in there and start my day.

Yesterday was probably one of the first few days that I took my time to write something to my best ability. It seems somewhat worthwhile too because my posts got some responses and still frustrated because I didn't completely finish keeping track of all of those things such as putting them on my blogs. It just takes too much time. Now, I'm awake and getting started with my writing day. I also need to follow up on this payment shit because I'm expecting payment for what I've written and so far, I have no idea if it's ever going to happen.

I Forgot What I Was Going To Write About!

I'm going to try something new here. It's something I did before on another blog I post on, where I would post every single post I write every time I would write it. So, that's what I'm gonna do now, starting with this one:

Blank canvas by PixaBay

Let me first tell you why this is appropriate for this blog. Because it's another one of these battles between me and a blank page, what the fuck can I do but sit here and try to muscle through some half-assed ideas to put something on it?

Time isn't on my side when this shit happens and it's extremely frustrating. Even worse is that I knew what I was going to write about only a few seconds before. GodDAMMIT! So it's another obstacle for me to overcome, but again, what the fuck do I do? Well, I try to write about what I was doing in order to jiggle that memory lever. I almost had it. (I Forgot What I Was Going To Write About!)

What's It Like To Be A Writer?

listen to a lot of podcasts about the entertainment business. From time to time, a interview will go to an area where they just sit and dwell on the thought that they're in show business. They want to feel it and they express it well, but only when they lift their head up from what they're doing.

I'm kind of in the same boat with this writing thing. Everyday, I cross over these hurdles in my life and in my writing, and I don't take the time to appreciate that I have hurdles to overcome. Just a few minutes ago, as I was thinking about some of the topics I was writing about, I had that thought. That today, I wouldn't be doing anything more than what I want to do without having to answer to anyone. And it made me super fucking happy.

Neglecting The Keyboard, Creative Business and Revenge

This is close to being a personal post about me and my life. But, it's also about this uphill battle because my attitude has a lot to do with my business. So with that in mind, let me lay it down with what I went through over the past three days.

Long Time No Write!

This image is under License: CC0 Public Domain / FAQ by jarmoluk

I think that most of the time, I really do enjoy writing. I recently got a tablet with a keyboard case that will let me go mobile, only to find that it had the wrong cable that lets me connect the tablet to the keyboard. So, I went out on the town and had my most non-productive three days of just getting shit housed and not writing at all. Even with a tablet, the thumb writing thing was just not going to work for me. So, I lost a lot of writing time, but now I'm slowing getting back to it. Kind of makes me feel like I dropped the ball. 

King Of My Own Late Night Show

"The kings of late-night, Leno and Letterman" is under License Some rights reserved by Jon Seidman 1988

But I didn't drop the ball on the business deals I was cutting, or at least trying to. Because over that three day period, I was brainstorming with some people about creating something new. You know how drunk talk starts getting deep sometimes, and in this case, we were getting deep into the creative aspect of things. So I did feel like I was doing something and now that I got a stage to put shows on, I have to get to work on that quickly and now. So yes, I was off the grid for three days but got back on it as soon as I could and started working out this angle with people I know. We'll definitely see what happens but then again, I want it to happen. So, it has to happen!

My Commitment To The Service Industry

Bartending in Chadron, Nebraska is under License Some rights reserved by Kables

Those places where I've been making my rounds are in my old stomping grounds. So, it only makes sense for me to bring up crap with these people in the service industry. We've got to talk about something, right? So I found some people who were interested, and while I do like to reminisce of  having some part in all of it, I kind of hate the service industry. Like, under my breath cause, maybe I don't own my own bar yet. Eventually, that should happen too, next to the late night show I was just talking about.  Yes, many people just treat it like a job, but I treat it as a way of life. 

Writing For Fun Versus Writing For Work

This PixaBay image is under License: CC0 Public Domain / FAQ

Everyone can do what they want. I do however ask that people consider treating writing like more than just work. Sometimes, I'll read something on Hubpages or the Examiner and see nothing but formula from people who have been doing it like that for years. 

They're not interested in talking, it seems. They just talk like they're talking you down or something. Also, scheduling things are important but don't be all anal about it. If you have a good idea, jot it down when you're not working seems pretty natural to me. But some people just ignore that when they're off. I even wrote more now because I don't treat it like work. 

Also, I ran into a lot of people who were a lot like someone I knew who died this past week. Real pricks. We had new fights, new arguments about me and my character; but I'm just not going to let them win. I was very vocal about my pleasure that this dude passed away. Maybe I'll be more vocal about it today. I do kind of feel like I won on that one. I'll leave you hanging on that until I come back here and write some more. 

Facebook Gives-In, Under Pressure

Bubbles is under License Some rights reserved by pedrosek

So just what the fuck happened a few days ago? The people at the content site Bubblews are still trying to figure that out. According to the C.E.O's latest update, Facebook got such a response from Bubblews supporters that, not only did Facebook bring back the Bubblews page but they also put back all the links they had originally removed.

Here's an example where something gets put back right where it was as if nothing ever happened. That gives me a little bit of hope for better things in the world, but I'm not about ready to pack it in with the negativity yet. The world is still a shitty place and I'm fond of eating so much shit these days that drastic changes to my diet will probably kill me. 

The Content Site Killer Attacks!!!

Sorozatgyilkos fehér cápa is under License Some rights reserved by lwpkommunikacio

Yep. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about some potential set backs with changes to the way social networking services are making things a bit difficult for content sites. Well, there was another mild set back this last week, which is determined by who you ask. It's more of a set back for the content site service than for us writers. (The Truth About Why Bubblews Why Removed By Facebook)

After some extra clicking here and there, I finally found what looked like the reason for why Facebook went after them. It's manageable because I can still get around the problem by going through pinterest or twitter. The only issue is that I can't really set my sites on using the page I created for it, since pinterest and twitter automatically post. I would have to create a new post in tumblr or some other blog and post the link there. (Facebook Considers Bubblews A Spam Distributor)

All of this is disheartening because the powers behind the internet are obviously shifting to push or squash the little guy and everything is going to be bottle-necked so they can monetize traffic they consider relevant or irrelevant and that's scary. But it's happening.

It made me also think about how there's a gap between what the mega social networking services do and the smaller ones do. The other day there was a TedTalk video shown to us at school about how Starkbuck's business model is all about customer service. That's it. It's not about coffee, it's about the customer.

So imagine is that were also the case with this? Imagine that a revenue-sharing service were generous enough to think in terms of more for the people who do the work, like writers, instead of for their stock holders? There's nothing wrong with the little guy but suddenly, content isn't quality to those who make the rules and everyone has to play their game or suffer being left out. (Bubblews Invests In People, Facebook Invests In Algorithm)

But we all have these little digital social bubbles now, where we can start our own Facebook if we want to. It's something I've thought about more and more, because it's times like these I wish there was a better plan than to bend to the will of Facebook, like create my own Facebook. (I Would Create My Own 'Facebook' Site To Help, But I Can't)

If I were in Bubblews' shoes, I would feel like Saverin when Zuckerberg fucks him over in the end. That's pretty much what just happened here.